Stages of Grief

Stages of Grief

I started this post over a year ago, then abandoned it and though perhaps its high time I actually finished it.

You may recall I lost my uncle to cancer in October 2017 and felt I should write down the phases of dealing with the death

Stage 0 — Normality

This is the normal day-to-day life no indication of any problems in the future

Stage 1 — Terminal

This is where you or your loved one is diagnosed with an illness that cannot (normally) be recovered from.

Stage 2 — Death & Disbelief

Immediately after death, this starts. You run through a period of “this can’t be happening”, “this has got to be a dream” and keep wanting to wake up from the nightmare, even though it isn’t one.

Stage 3 — Guilt & Denial

After you’ve gotten past the “this can’t be happening”, you get to “this isn’t happening” — you don’t want to believe this is true and refuse to believe this is true. Also, you start second-guessing yourself thinking “did I do everything I could to save them?” “could I have done something differently?” “could they still be alive had I picked up on that symptom just a day earlier?”

This stage lasts the longest, and to some, the guilt consumes their lives

Stage 4 — Acceptance

The hardest stage to reach is acceptance. You accept the death and move on. Some keep a piece of the loved one with them — a piece of jewellery, a photo, a locket, a favourite song — something that lets them remember them going forward or when they want the feeling of warm, loving memories.

Where am I on this list? Stage 4. I have photos of my uncle in Google Photos I can look back on whenever I want to remember him. I have pictures of him playing with my cousin’s children; I have fond memories of playing poker with him (and me losing :-) ); I have memories of having drinks with him — he was an alchoholic, but really was loose when drinking. I remember that I also didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. His drinking buddy took the pedestal at his funeral and told about how he donated food from his KFC-style shop to people at the pub.

I really did not know my uncle as well as I thought I did.

This one’s for you, Uncle.

Grief

I came across this article on FailBlog, but it was actually something that hit home quite hard. It’s a thread that talks about grief.

In case you didn’t know, I lost my uncle to cancer in 2017 and sat on a blog entry talking about dealing with loss for months, not wanting to publish it (it wasn’t this entry, mind you) — but I knew that writing about it helps deal with it.

The article on FailBlog links to an old thread by Lauren Herschel, an unrolled version is here:

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/946887540732149760.html

It talks about grief as a “Ball in a box with a pain button” and the ball fills the box, hitting the button near-constantly right after the incident or loss.

The ball deflates over time, meaning it doesn’t hit the button as much, but when it does, it hurts just as bad, and damn, this is right on the button.

Stockwell Tube passenger dies after being hit by train as he ‘bends down to pick up bag’ – Telegraph

British Transport Police says John Burgess died three days after suffering serious head injuries in horrific accident at Stockwell Underground station

After now using public transport a lot more since changing jobs, accidents such as this now make a bigger impact to my commute to and from work. Even the announcers on the platforms are now tell people not to look over the edge of the platform.

Stockwell Tube passenger dies after being hit by train as he ‘bends down to pick up bag’ – Telegraph.

Monty Oum

The name may not mean much to some people, but to some, he is a well-known game animator, producing hugely popular shorts and series such as RWBY and my favourite, Dead Fantasy — a cross between Dead or Alive and Final Fantasy. It has been reported that he has passed away due to an allergic reaction during a medical procedure that put him in a coma.

Here is the blog entry detailing the news: http://roosterteeth.com/members/journal/entry.php?id=3302319

And in case you haven’t seen his work, here is Dead Fantasy (all the parts spliced together)

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